Dealing with buttheads

sdbrit68

Student Of The Blues
So Sunday, the day after the BGU jam, we had the one at my house. The only two rules I have, are come with a good attitude, and be excellent to each other.

I wont mention names, because we know some people in common, and he is in a local gigging band (no, not a member of BGU)

Anyways, this guy came, seemed to have a little bit of a why am I here attitude, and you could tell he has himself elevated above everyone else (he was accompanying someone). During the jam, he made some smart ass comments to one of the younger players, completely uncalled for

After he left, I apoligized and made sure the kid knew, we wont tolerate people being jerks, I dont care what the age difference is. The problem is, his wife wants to come back, but I dont want him here, we play for fun, and these jams I purposely invite brand new people.

I didnt put a stop to it right there as it wasnt getting out of hand, and I didnt want a scene.................my concern is, being upfront with this guy, could in effect give me a bad name with some people locally. If I believe half of what he said, he is tight with all the local blues players, but, I cant have someone treating new players, or anyone for that matter badly.

I knew eventually, I would have to talk to someone, but any suggestions on how to handle this diplomatically ?
 

Elio

Student Of The Blues
Anything you say to him about correcting his behavior (E.G. "hey, stop being a jerk!") will probably produce defensiveness. My suggestion is that you turn it around and make it about the kid he spoke to. Maybe let him know that there are some really new players that are just learning and insecure/intimidated about playing with other more experienced players. Ask him to do you a favor and reach out as an experienced player to help encourage him. Hopefully, he will take the hint and resolve the problem. If not, you can tell him that given the low experience level by some, your group may not be a good fit for him. If that doesn't work, you can tell him he's a jerk.
 

sdbrit68

Student Of The Blues
If not, you can tell him that given the low experience level by some, your group may not be a good fit for him. If that doesn't work, you can tell him he's a jerk.

the problem is, the kid blew him out of the water, he is really really that good, which I think is what the issue is. Personally, to me that is motivating.
Its really a shame that people cant just be positive to each other in music.........I got lucky meeting the people here
 

Jalapeno

Student Of The Blues
I like what Elio said. One caution sd, make sure you're also not being a butt head about a mis-communication. I've seen that at jams and on this forum, someone misunderstands a comment and gets defensive.

Eric
 

sdbrit68

Student Of The Blues
I like what Elio said. One caution sd, make sure you're also not being a butt head about a mis-communication. I've seen that at jams and on this forum, someone misunderstands a comment and gets defensive.

Eric
thats why I didnt say anything right away, but after he left, all the other people commented too about it, so I knew it just wasnt me, the comments were revolving around it must be nice to have daddy pay for things, with some other words that were saying, oh you can play, well a punk kid with no responsibilities you can do that.

Truth be known, I have known this kid, I gave him his first tube amp and pedals, he works very hard, dedicates his free time to practcing until he thinks the notes are perfect.

yeah, not having to pay a mortage means more practice time, but, I had that in highschool too, I just didnt do it
 

Elio

Student Of The Blues
the problem is, the kid blew him out of the water, he is really really that good, which I think is what the issue is. Personally, to me that is motivating.
Its really a shame that people cant just be positive to each other in music.........I got lucky meeting the people here

Even better. Let him know you would really like everyone to encourage him to help achieve his potential. If he reacts negatively, you will know everything you need to know.
 

PapaBear

Guit Fiddlier
Anything you say to him about correcting his behavior (E.G. "hey, stop being a jerk!") will probably produce defensiveness. My suggestion is that you turn it around and make it about the kid he spoke to. Maybe let him know that there are some really new players that are just learning and insecure/intimidated about playing with other more experienced players. Ask him to do you a favor and reach out as an experienced player to help encourage him. Hopefully, he will take the hint and resolve the problem. If not, you can tell him that given the low experience level by some, your group may not be a good fit for him. If that doesn't work, you can tell him he's a jerk.
That's probably a better solution than mine, which would be to meet him in a remote location on the ocean and pop a cap in his ass and use him for shark chum, but that's just me!
 

PapaBear

Guit Fiddlier
the problem is, the kid blew him out of the water, he is really really that good, which I think is what the issue is. Personally, to me that is motivating.
Its really a shame that people cant just be positive to each other in music.........I got lucky meeting the people here
Heck that's almost as good as popping a cap in his ass and using him for shark chum! If the kids that good mr Jerk may not show back up
 

cowboy

Blues, Booze & BBQ
or just have Griff show up at your next jam and ask him to sit in...:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:...

he's probably tight with all the local blues players but not in the was he thinks...his wife might be looking for some friends for him...just saying...

but in truth, what you saw is what you get...I wouldn't invite him again...if his wife asks, tell her the truth...later.

cowboy
 

Mike A

BLUES NOODLER
I know that i suck hard at playing Guitar..but i like being a Grape and hanging with the bunch and enjoying the moment ..like at BGU Live at lake arrowhead 2018 ..i had soooo much fun and everyone treated me just like part of the group.i felt like a rock star..nobody can ever tell you what you should have done till they are in the moment...for me i am in a position were there are lots of people in my house 2 times a week and on occasion i find myself in a situation were i need to deal with someone who wants to be a jerk and disrupt the meeting ...sometimes you make it out Gracefully sometimes you make it in the Paper because the whiner called the cops! o_O:ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
 

Crossroads

Thump the Bottom
my concern is, being upfront with this guy, could in effect give me a bad name with some people locally. If I believe half of what he said, he is tight with all the local blues players, but, I cant have someone treating new players, or anyone for that matter badly.
IMO the question is what is more important to you, getting a bad name for sticking up for what you think is right, or ensuring that everyone who comes to your place is treated with respect.

I agree with a second chance preceded by a one on one conservation prior to the event.

If he just shows up ask him nicely if you can have a minute of his time, like I wanna show you something, then when you are alone explain the rules of etiquette you expect.

Sticky situation, Good Luck.
 

sdbrit68

Student Of The Blues
IMO the question is what is more important to you, getting a bad name for sticking up for what you think is right, or ensuring that everyone who comes to your place is treated with respect.

I agree with a second chance preceded by a one on one conservation prior to the event.

If he just shows up ask him nicely if you can have a minute of his time, like I wanna show you something, then when you are alone explain the rules of etiquette you expect.

Sticky situation, Good Luck.
for me, i think I would be happier giving up playing than having someone not treated respectfully in my home
 
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