snarf
making guitars wish they were still trees
I decided recently I wanted to try my hand at writing some songs. So I've been toying around with lyrics. Here's the first one I've gotten to a point that I wasn't just completely embarrassed to post. So I thought I'd throw it out here and see what the pros think. The quadruplets follow an AABB pattern. The song follows an AABAB pattern. What can I do to make it better?
Simpler times have long since been gone
It's cars and a big house and “just one more loan”
That means I’ve the look now so everyone thinks
Got it made in the shade and that we’ll never sink
The boat on its wheels in the driveway just clutters
No gas for the gas tank, the engine it sputters
But everyone thinks I can head to the lake
When I know my money the bills all will take
So I sit here and mope got the no money blues
Yes I’m over my head can’t afford this dang ruse
Got the car and the house wear the fanciest shoes
While I sit here and mope got the no money blues
I went to my banker and asked for some aid
No loan will they give me I need to get paid
So living the life has now come to an end
The piper’s come calling and he’s not my friend
So I sit here and mope got the no money blues
Yes I’m over my head can’t afford this dang ruse
Got the car and the house wear the fanciest shoes
While I sit here and mope got the no money blues
Simpler times have long since been gone
It's cars and a big house and “just one more loan”
That means I’ve the look now so everyone thinks
Got it made in the shade and that we’ll never sink
The boat on its wheels in the driveway just clutters
No gas for the gas tank, the engine it sputters
But everyone thinks I can head to the lake
When I know my money the bills all will take
So I sit here and mope got the no money blues
Yes I’m over my head can’t afford this dang ruse
Got the car and the house wear the fanciest shoes
While I sit here and mope got the no money blues
I went to my banker and asked for some aid
No loan will they give me I need to get paid
So living the life has now come to an end
The piper’s come calling and he’s not my friend
So I sit here and mope got the no money blues
Yes I’m over my head can’t afford this dang ruse
Got the car and the house wear the fanciest shoes
While I sit here and mope got the no money blues